


Brig Block Tango

by MissIzzy



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Filk, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-13
Updated: 2003-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-25 04:59:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/948901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissIzzy/pseuds/MissIzzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The six Starfleet murderers of the New Zealand Penal Colony in their rendition of the Brig Block Tango.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brig Block Tango

####  **To the tune of "Cell Block Tango" from Chicago**

Kes:Sniff   
Winn:Gul   
Jadzia:Squish   
Kirk:Uh uh!   
Jenny:Deck Seven   
Deanna:Riker

Picard: And now, the six Starfleet murderers of the New Zealand penal colony in their rendition of the Brig Block Tango

Kes:Sniff   
Winn:Gul   
Jadzia:Squish   
Kirk:Uh uh!   
Jenny:Deck Seven   
Deanna:Riker

Kes:Sniff   
Winn:Gul   
Jadzia:Squish   
Kirk:Uh uh!   
Jenny:Deck Seven   
Deanna:Riker

Kes:Sniff   
Winn:Gul   
Jadzia:Squish   
Kirk:Uh uh!   
Jenny:Deck Seven   
Deanna:Riker

Kes:Sniff   
Winn:Gul   
Jadzia:Squish   
Kirk:Uh uh!   
Jenny:Deck Seven   
Deanna:Riker

Kes:Sniff   
Winn:Gul   
Jadzia:Squish   
Kirk:Uh uh!   
Jenny:Deck Seven   
Deanna:Riker

All:   
He had it coming   
He had it coming   
He only had himself to blame   
If youda been there   
If youda seen it

Jenny: I betcha you woulda done the same!

Kes:Sniff   
Winn:Gul   
Jadzia:Squish   
Kirk:Uh uh!   
Jenny:Deck Seven   
Deanna:Riker

Kes: You know how people have these little habits that get you down. Like Neelix. Neelix liked to cook food. No, not cook. RUIN. So I come off shift this one day and I am really irritated, and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy and there's Neelix behind the counter in the mess hall, humming and cooking. No, not cooking, ruining. So, I said to him, I said, "Neelix, you continue to ruin that food one more minute..." And he did. So I took my phaser off my belt and I fired two warning shots...set to kill!

All:   
He had it coming   
He had it coming   
He only had himself to blame   
If youda been there   
If youda smelt it   
I betcha you woulda done the same!

Winn: I met Anjohl Tenon on Deep Space 9 a few weeks ago, and he told me he was Bajoran, and we hit it off right away. So we started living together, looking for the Prophets, being holy, reading the Kosta'mojan, switching allegiance to the Pah-wraiths...and then I found out. Bajoran, he told me. Bajoran my patootie. Not only was he Cardassian, oh no, he was Gul Dukat. The former Predect of Bajor, you know? So when he got his eyesight back and we went to the Fire Caves, I read from the Kosta'mojan, as usual. You know, some people just can't take being the sacrifice!

Kes, Winn, Jadzia, and Deanna:   
He had it coming   
He had it coming   
He took a flower   
In its prime   
And then he used it   
And he abused it   
It was a murder   
But not a crime!

Jadzia: Now, I'm standing in the science lab analyzing a rare Bajoran artifact, minding my own business. In storms my husband Worf in a jealous rage. "You been screwing Dr. Bashir!" he says. He was crazy, and he kept on screaming, "You been screwing Dr. Bashir!" And then he ran into my bat'leth. He ran into my bat'leth ten times.

All:   
If youda been there   
If youda seen it   
I betcha you woulda done the same!

Kirk: What...am...I...doing here? They say...that...I put...Ben Finney...in a...pod...and...ejected him...into...an ion...storm. But...this...is not...true. I am...guiltless. I...don't...know...why...Areel...Shaw...says...that I did it. I...tried...to explain...to...Starfleet...Command...but...they...couldn't...follow...me...

Tom Paris: Yeah, but did you do it?

Kirk: Uh uh. Not...guilty!

Jenny: My sister Megan and I worked in Stellar Cartography together, and my boyfriend, Harry Kim, worked with us. Now, on our last shift, we found these twenty stellar phenomena in a row. Dwarf, Giant, Quasar, Nebula, Triple Star, Unstable Wormhole, Melding Supernova, Disintegrating Planet, Asteroid Field, one right after the other. So this one night right after we got off shift we're in my quarters on Deck Seven, the three of us, boozing, having a few laughs and the replicator broke. So I went out to burrow some food. I come back, override the lock, and there's Megan and Harry doing Number Seventeen -- the Melding Supernova. Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead.

They had it coming   
They had it coming   
They had it coming all along   
I didn't do it   
But if I'd done it   
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

Jenny(Others):   
They had it coming(they had it coming)   
They had it coming(they had it coming)   
They had it coming(they took a starship)   
All along(in its prime)   
I didn't do it(and then they used it)   
But if I'd done it(and they abused it)   
How could you tell me(it was a murder)   
That I was wrong?(But not a crime!)

Deanna: I loved Will Riker more than I can possibly say. He was a real smart guy...command material... Number One. But he was always trying to find himself. He'd go out off shift looking for himself and on the way he found Mistress Beata, Soren, Ro, and my mother. I guess you can say we broke up because of a sensory malfunction. He read himself as alive, and I sensed that he was dead!

All:   
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum   
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

Kes, Winn, Deanna(Jenny, Jadzia, Kirk):   
They had it coming(they had it coming)   
They had it coming(they had it coming)   
They had it coming(they had it coming)   
All along(all along)   
'Cause if they used us('cause if they used us)   
And they abused us(and they abused us)   
How could you tell us(how could you tell us)   
That we were wrong?(that we were wrong?)

All:   
He had it coming   
He had it coming   
He only had   
Himself to blame.   
If youda been there   
If youda seen it   
I betcha you woulda done the same!

Kes: You ruin that food for one more minute!

Winn: Bajoran my patootie.

Jadzia: Ten times.

Kirk: Areel...Shaw...says...

Jenny: Number seventeen -- the Melding Supernova.

Deanna: Sensory malfunction.

Kes:Sniff   
Winn:Gul   
Jadzia:Squish   
Kirk:Uh uh!   
Jenny:Deck Seven   
Deanna:Riker


End file.
